So, I’m back from Australia and feeling down. I’ve spent the last month on my own in unfamiliar surroundings and survived. I didn’t manage to get to as many A.A. meetings as I’d have liked, was busy with work and generally having a good time, I forgot to pray every day, I had no sponsor to call. I didn’t drink and I didn’t use drugs.
Now I’m back and wondering what this recovery thing is all about. If I managed to survive without all of the usual recovery tools, then surely I don’t need A.A. anymore, do I? This is when I really dislike my alcoholic mind, the way it lies to me, to get me on my own again. Isolated and trapped with my own head, somewhere I shouldn’t be without an adult present! The way I can believe that I no longer need to be part of something far bigger than me and my illness.
I have an antidote to the stinking thinking, spend time with other alcoholics and addicts. Never fails to work, so long as I’m honest and tell people what’s going on in my head. Listening to others experience, helping if I can with their troubles. Doing the opposite of what my sick mind is telling me. My faith in 12 step recovery tells me that it works, my experience of 12 step recovery shows me that it works. The caveat to that is that I must work at it, I don’t get the freedom from self sitting in a cafe, alone, wondering if it’s all worth it. I get to be happy, joyous and free, by plugging in to a power greater than anything I’ve ever experienced.
My recovery and my life are God given, I am grateful for both, and from that gratitude my peace of mind will grow again.
Thanks for reading, God bless you.